Deciding which colleges to apply to is a complex process for students. As students begin their college search, parents can provide support and encouragement with these suggestions:
Get the timing right. Most ninth and tenth graders are still adjusting to high school and aren’t ready to start discussing specific colleges. In the early years of high school, keep the focus of college planning on college preparation, not on creating a final college list. Junior year is the right time to start discussing specific colleges with your child and helping her choose where she wants to apply. While you may be anxious to finalize plans, pushing for decisions before your child is ready to make them usually backfires.
Listen to your child’s hopes and dreams for college. How does your child picture life at college? Listen carefully, and keep the communication lines open, even if your hopes and dreams differ. Remember, students who are happy with their college choice usually end up being successful students.
Keep an open mind. You may picture your child at a famous university, or want him to attend a college close to home, but try to be flexible and open-minded if your child wants to consider other options.
Be just as enthusiastic about your child’s “safe bets” as you are about your child’s “dream colleges.” You and your child will sleep a lot more soundly in senior year if she has a well-rounded college list that isn’t top heavy with reaches. To do this, parents need to avoid inadvertently sending a message to their child that particular schools aren’t “good enough.” Again, keep an open mind.
Visit college campuses with your child. It is hard for students to imagine what college will be like if they have never seen a dorm or spent time on a college campus. All colleges offer free guided tours of their campuses that can help students and parents get an idea of what life at each college will be like. Begin by visiting local colleges with your child; you can explore campuses further from home as your child clarifies the qualities he wants his college to have.
Don’t overwhelm your child with information. You may have every page of the Fiske Guide to Colleges memorized, or have spent hours in online college discussion forums, but your child doesn’t need to know every fact about every college in order to make a wise choice. Research shows that too much information can often make it harder to make decisions, not easier – not just for teenagers, but for adults as well. So, in your search for college information, share information selectively based on your child’s college search priorities.
Be patient. Adults tend to plan and make decisions about the future in a linear fashion because they have a lifetime of decision-making experience. Teens, however, don’t have experience with making life-changing decisions, so it almost always takes them longer to get up to speed when it comes to choosing colleges. Decision-making skills also develop at different rates; some students are late bloomers when it comes to making important life decisions, while others seem wise beyond their years. During the college planning process, you may feel frustrated at times at your child’s seeming procrastination and circular logic, but try to be patient. Allow time and space for your teen to process information about colleges – and to change his mind! With your support and gentle encouragement and the guidance of your advisor, your child will eventually figure things out.
